Miscalculation

Our baby’s due date is March 13. For some reason I thought that at the beginning of January I had 3 months before baby comes. 3 more months to work, 3 more months to get this baby blanket and booties done.

Today we went in for what seemed like the fastest ultrasound we have had this pregnancy. And then we talked about the schedule for my c-section. March 5th. That’s only 2 months away. How did I lose a month? I guess I never had it in the first place. I just miscalculated. So now I have one less month to get ready for baby’s arrival. And in reality, we probably need to be ready with the bare basics now just in case I end up in preterm labour. I have a bit of anxiety over this one less month of prep time.

Maybe it is partially my need to control everything. I remember I was basically the same last pregnancy too. I think the nesting instinct is stronger this time around because once we have this baby I won’t have time to organize all her baby clothes. I won’t have time to adjust Addison to her big girl room. I keep thinking that if I can have as much prepared now then the tough part will be just a little less tough. But I know too that this is probably as good a time as any to learn to let things go, to not take on so much. But how do you just turn that off?

This New Years resolution is going to be harder than I thought.

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2 thoughts on “Miscalculation”

  1. I understand the need to let go. Being a PM too and always wanting to be in control, everything that happened with Ryan was completely out of my control. I can tell you from my experience that no, it’s not something you can easily turn off. You need to put your trust in God and surrender to what is. This is not easy to come to. I spent a long time waiting for Ryan to be “normal” but have come to realize that right now, in this moment, this is his normal and this is my normal and we try to live within this and find ways to adjust our usual lives to this. I’ve found this has helped me let go of control because control is wanting things to work out your way, and this has been a lesson for me to learn that my way isn’t the only way and that even though I can’t control things the way I would like, somehow, I’ve been able to roll with it because I simply had no choice. Right now, this is all theory to you, but when you’re in the midst of it, you will find your way of letting go, and I promise, that God will be there to get you through it. As always, if you need an ear – give me a shout. We can catch up for coffee or something. I’m downtown so let me know how I can help. When the time comes, if you have questions about the NICU etc let me know!

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