When it rain it pours

The last couple of days have been trying ones.  I am currently on a flight to Vancouver for a day trip to visit my ailing grandmother.  My husband has bravely taken the day off to take care of Isabelle and Addison all on his own.  We are basically banking on the fact that no one will call him today and say he needs to go in for his endoscope today.  Flights and car were booked this morning.  

In the rush here are the things that I forgot/missed this morning:

  • Pump shields.  Yup I lugged the whole darned hospital grade pump and didn’t bring the parts that attaches to my boobs.  I will have to buy some when I get into Vancouver, which is awesome considering I have 2 sets at home. 
  • Chap stick.  Well I’m stopping to buy pump shields anyway so I guess chap stick isn’t that big of a deal.
  • Eating.  I have been up since 5:45 when Izzy decided to need to eat.  I haven’t eaten or drank anything since then – it is now 8:30 and my flight doesn’t land in Vancouver until 9:30 Vancouver time or 10:30 Calgary time.  When I got to the airport I spent my 20 spare minutes trying to find a place to pump and then set up my pump only to realize I didn’t have my pump shields.  Usually I have at least a granola bar in my purse but in my rush this morning I just dumped everything out to ensure I had no liquids on me.  In hindsight that was pretty rash.  
  • Earphones.  Time crawls when I am not listening to anything.  Can’t watch tv or even listen to podcasts.  
  • Gum.  For popping ears and drying mouth.
  • Taking a pee break.  Well I guess since I haven’t drank anything this one isn’t a big deal.

Luckily most everything can be fixed by throwing cash at the problem, even right on this flight.  As I write this the food cart is coming around and I look forward to buying a pair of subpar earphones, some oatmeal and a nice bottle of water.  My husband has called ahead and there are a couple of pharmacies that have the pumping kits available.  So nothing insurmountable.  

But more importantly I am basically a giant jumble of stress and nerves right now.  I have been away from Isabelle for more than 24 hours before but that was when she was at the NICU, and I was militant about protecting my milk supply.  Today will be different.  I will be in a different city, lugging around my pump, trying to find a quiet place to spend quality pumping time.  I also did not plan to bring any of the milk home with me – it would have just been too much of a hassle.  Isabelle will be home with her daddy all by themselves all day long. And then daddy has to take care of my two girls by himself all evening.  Even I haven’t had to do that yet.  I know that I have a rock star husband that can get ‘er done, but I can’t help but worry.  Everything just seems too rushed and too unplanned for me to handle this well.  Travelling all by myself means I cannot distract myself from the anxiety at all.  But I just need to do this for myself to see my grandma who played an important role in my childhood.  My husband says that I am a brave independent woman, and I know I am.  Just that right now, I don’t really want to be.  

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